The Lost Haenszel Sessions

Discussion in 'Featured Cars' started by Porkins, Dec 21, 2012.

  1. Porkins

    Porkins Squealing Pig

    Back in I think September Steve and I had the distinct fun of shooting this car in the wild. At one point left me thinking my GLI came to a dead stop and broke when Brian did a amazing "I just shit my pants rolling launch" Fuck that was cool... Anyways here they are with a write up ... and go!

    Haenszel -

    So one evening during the summer of 2004 I was sitting in my apartment on University of Maryland, Baltimore County campus scouring the internet and haphazardly talking cars with a bloke who went by the handle “AngelsCrashDown” on AOL Instant Messenger. I sent him a link to an ATP Stg2 turbo kit which was a GT28r with an adapter plate for stock exhaust manifold and some other BS. Moments later, after he reviews the link I receive a reply that simply states “Do it, you pussy". I ordered it that night.

    I blame Chris Trent (T-Rent) for throwing the initial coal on the fire of this runaway train. A train which has crashed and burned….. many times.

    That was my first 1.8t. Hilda, the purple beetle. What a bad start. After that, I’m not sure what happened but I had the sudden urge to build a 10 second VW. They were as none-existent as two unicorns f’ng a mermaid, afterall. From there I started with a mk2. Actually, it was three mk2’s. Then I finally landed on the black jetta which was the project car for a few years. Many (manymanymany) 1.8t valves, pistons, cranks, blocks, turbos and even two ABA/20v’s later I had finally built that thing to the pinnacle of the 1.8t’s capability at the time. It put down 651whp in a 2200lb car which was ludicrous, and 100% completely useless. Hell, it was a no-fun shit-show to drive even at 18psi, let alone 35. Then a few short days later on the return trip from Englishtown it blew up at 8700rpm’s and 18psi on a desolate New Jersey back road. Correction: it didn’t just blow up, it was in smithereens. That was the end of FWD. I hate FWD.

    Solution! 1.8t engine with the same turbo setup in a B5 A4 Quattro! False. This was the worst idea ever. The words “Fun”, “B5” and “BT 1.8t” don’t go well together. Promptly shipped that engine off to some dude in Norway.

    Then thanks to the help of two of my best friends in VA; Quintin Callahan and Jason Duerr; we were able to hand-fabricate everything needed to fit a VR6 into a b5. It took us 6 months of working every day after work and on the weekends, many grinder blades, TIG materials and a lot of wasted 6061 and 304/321 stainless, but we did it. Strapped it on the dyno, and KA-BOOM. Next I threw a stock VR6 in, and strapped it on the dyno again. KA-BOOM. Found the issue, the crank sensor was wired backwards. What a stupid mistake. So this time, confident that we’d found the issue I built a brand new, fully forged bottom end. As my luck would have it, this one blew up while warming up in the driveway. I didn’t even get to drive it. Sweet.

    This time I took all brand new parts to a friend at Justice Racing Engines. I traded OEM VR6 parts so he could get his mk3 running for after-hours time at the machine shop. Over the next few weeks after work we pumped out the short block that is in the car today. And amazingly, it’s stayed together. Over the past 2 years I’ve had to modify, adapt and change many things on the car, but I finally got it to where I was happy. It’s fun to drive, it goes fast and yes, it finally went 10’s… at 3700lbs of full weight fury. Barely, but it still did it.

    From here is where the road gets unclear. I’ve always had a goal in mind, and after 6 years or so I finally did it. This is either where the car and I part ways, or where we continue on deeper down the rabbit hole. We’ll see what’s in store for the upcoming months.

    Thanks to everyone who’s helped keep me standing, and to everyone whom I’ve ever bounced thoughts/ideas off of… even if it was just so someone with some sanity could talk me out of my own overblown ideas. You know who you are.


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    8017552444_c4dfec778e_b by Just Trice, on Flickr


    Well Im spent... Can't wait to see what happened to this over winter :la:
     
  2. t-rent

    t-rent popurhood Staff Member

    All my fault for being lazy and not posting this.
     
  3. Mike.Mike.

    Mike.Mike. DIRTY DEEDZ

    Oh jeez good write up we got some laughs.
     
  4. Matt Danger

    Matt Danger Fullonrapist.

    Great write up. The AZ build thread is funny "Dropping the motor in tomorrow, should run by the weekend." Follow up post 18 hrs later "Motor blew up, back to the drawing board." times 4. Gotta give Haenszel so much credit for never quitting.
     
  5. A4 Deja vu

    A4 Deja vu Posting- God

    Good read for sure its nice to see someone explain what they went thru to get what they got.


    Sent from my PG86100 using Xparent Red Tapatalk 2
     
  6. t-rent

    t-rent popurhood Staff Member

    Brian I remember going up to Canada with you in the Beetle to meet up with Don R, or whatever his name, was to tune it on the QEW. Good times, and man have you come a long way.
     
  7. 8valvematt

    8valvematt aka 3.2L 24 valve matt

    i know we never really speak, but i can honestly say i respect the hell out of what youve done with that B5. its so awesome and looks bad ass. congrats on achieving a long term goal!
     
  8. beckington

    beckington Mr. Manager

    Haenszel is so hot right now.
     
  9. sasquatch

    sasquatch Posting- God

    Haenszel is so hot right now!

    Love the car and determination! I need a ride in it before it goes through another change. (Ls1!!!!!!)
     
  10. Minglor

    Minglor jamjamjamjamjamjamjamjam!

    Haenszel makes my D hard.
     
  11. Ghostrider

    Ghostrider One world, one quattro.

  12. Haenszel

    Haenszel Posting- God

    Wow, what a morning treat!

    Doing that was the worst decision I've ever made. It was never right, and consequently that shit blew up at 120mph on 79 in PA on the way back to buffalo.

    Lets party.
     
  13. eurotrsh

    eurotrsh Resident Wheel Consultant

    Complete rubbish. Burn it.
     
  14. IanK

    IanK Innovative Tuning

    No LS6, no care
     
  15. unibagel

    unibagel Posting- God

    Props to Brian! Nice car and tons of dedication to it. I can't wait to see what comes next.
     
  16. lady bug

    lady bug Posting- God

    Brian let me drive this once. I didn't almost kill Brian and Joe in it.

    You've come a long way from the purple beetle and montana green.
     
  17. Minglor

    Minglor jamjamjamjamjamjamjamjam!

    You got my number <3
    Put my rabbit together - I'll pay ya.
     
  18. dex

    dex bear punching

    I had more fun in the Montana Green than I did in any other car ever.
     
  19. lady bug

    lady bug Posting- God

    You've clearly never been in the Audi!
     
  20. dex

    dex bear punching

    I have not. I doubt I'd get to drive that through the trails behind his Dad's house in the middle of the night at retarded speeds though.
     

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